LA WEB DE READING COMPREHENSION PREFERIDA POR LOS HISPANOHABLANTES

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SHORT FUNNY CLASSIFIED ADS

Orly Borges Personal Collection

Enjoy this short collection
of funny advertisements
and spice up your day.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

FOR SALE:
An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced
and get an extra pair to take home, too.

WANTED:
Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

DOG FOR SALE:
Eats anything and is fond of children.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachese Cemetery.
It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Get rid of aunts: Cock does the job in 24 hours.

USED CARS:
Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook
with round bottom for efficient beating.

WANTED:
 Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Source: Orly Borges Personal Collection

GLOSSARY

spice up: make more interesting (realzar, hacer más interesante)
turkey: large gallinaceous bird with fan-shaped tail widely domesticated for food (pavo)
chance: opportunity, possibility (oportunidad)
pierce: make a hole into (perforar)
to produce: to originate fresh fruits and vegetable grown for the market (dar, producir)
is fond of: likes, has a strong preference for (le encantan, le gustan mucho)
boasts: has got (tiene, presume de) 
aunts: here, a typo error for "ants" (organized insects) (hormigas en lugar de "tías")
cheated: deprived of something by trickery or deceit (engañado, engatuzado)
hated: here, a typo error for "heated" (made warm by heating) (calefaccionado en lugar de "odiado")

you'll never reget it: here, a typo error for "regret" = to feel sorry for (nunca lo lamentarás); it is also a humorous play on words since "you'll never reget it" also means "you'll never get your money back" because of the typo (jamás lo recuperarás)
illiterate: analphabetic, someone unable to read (analfabeto)
bottom: bottom is the lowest part of anything, but also your ass (the fleshy part of the human body that you sit on) ("fondo" o trasero)
widower: widowman (a man whose wife is dead) (viudo)
growth: development (desarrollo, madurez)
tear: break by separating abruptly (rasgamos, rompemos)

 

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