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Orly Borges Personal Collection |
Women's Revenge
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked,
after folding items the woman wished
to purchase. As
she
fumbled for her
wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her
purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
so I figured this was
the most legal evil
thing I could do to
him. |
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Why men should
not outsmart women
Never try
to outsmart
a woman! There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of
his money, and was a real miser
when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket
with me. I want to take my money to
the afterlife
with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was
stretched out
in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend
was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before
the
undertakers got ready
to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box with her. She came over with the box and put it in the
casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled
it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all
that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied,
"Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't
go back on
my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that
casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?
"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a cheque. If he can
cash it,
he can spend it." |
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Wife Vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically:
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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Coffee
A
man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew
the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and
then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
The wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the
Bible that the man should do the coffee."
The husband replied, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she
fetched the Bible,
opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several
pages, that it indeed says... "HEBREWS"
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Source: Orly Borges Personal Collection (Contributed
by
Cristina Muscat, Argentina). |
GLOSSARY |
to purchase = to buy (comprar)
to fumble: to feel about (hurgar, manipular)
purse = handbag (cartera de mujer)
the most legal evil thing (la maldad más legal)
to
outsmart: to try to beat through cleverness and wit (de pasarte de
listo con)
when it came to: with respect to (con respecto a)
casket: coffin (féretro)
the afterlife: life after death (la otra vida)
stretched out: extended out to his full length (extendido,
acostado)
undertakers: someone whose business is the management of
funerals (funebreros) |
to go back on: to fail to fulfill a promise or obligation (no
cumplir una promesa)
cash it: exchange it for cash money (cobrarlo)
wax (cera hirviente para depilación)
thigh: the part of the leg between the hip and the knee (muslo)
rip the hair out by the root (arrancar de raíz el vello)
spider: arachnid (araña)
in-laws: relatives by marriage (familia política)
to brew: to prepare by steeping and boiling (elaborar,
preparar, hacer infusiones o colaciones)
to fetch: to bring in (ir a buscar)
HEBREWS (hebreos) - HE BREWS (él prepara) |
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MAS "HUMOR Y CHISTES"
FORO
INICIO |
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