ABOUT MEN & WOMEN

Women's Revenge 
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. 
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.

Why men should not outsmart women 
Never try to outsmart a woman! There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. 
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." 
And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. 
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" 
She had a box with her. She came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. 
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." 
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!? 
"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Wife Vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically:
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Coffee 
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
The husband replied, "I can't believe that, show me." 
So she fetched the Bible, opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says... "HEBREWS"

to purchase = to buy (comprar)
to fumble: to feel about (hurgar, manipular)
purse = handbag (cartera de mujer)
the most legal evil thing (la maldad más legal)
to outsmart: to try to beat through cleverness and wit (de pasarte de listo con)
when it came to: with respect to (con respecto a)
casket: coffin (féretro)
the afterlife: life after death (la otra vida)
stretched out: extended out to his full length (extendido, acostado)
undertakers: someone whose business is the management of funerals (funebreros)

to go back on: to fail to fulfill a promise or obligation (no cumplir una promesa)
cash it: exchange it for cash money (cobrarlo)
wax (cera hirviente para depilación)  
thigh: the part of the leg between the hip and the knee (muslo)
rip the hair out by the root (arrancar de raíz el vello)
spider: arachnid (araña)
in-laws: relatives by marriage (familia política)
to brew: to prepare by steeping and boiling (elaborar, preparar, hacer infusiones o colaciones)
to fetch: to bring in (ir a buscar)
HEBREWS (hebreos) - HE BREWS (él prepara)